Who are you, really? 🥸 A short pondering on identity

A series of questions to set the stage for this post:

When you think of yourself, what are the words you would use to describe you?

When you describe who you are to someone else, what are the words you would use?

When someone else describes you and you’re there, what words would they use?

When someone else describes you and you’re not there, what words do you think they use?

How do you actually show up, compared to how you think of yourself?

You probably have very different answers for each of these things. That’s how layered ‘identity’ is.

Our individual identities have layers upon layers upon layers. They’re complicated. They’re messy. They’re so many things at once. They’re filled with truth and assumptions, reality and fantasy.

Identity has always been such an elusive thing to me. Does it ever feel that way to you?

Let’s talk about it in the professional sense — Sometimes I wake up and wonder who I’m going to be today. It all depends on what I’m working on that day or how I have to show up. Sometimes I’m the founder of an agency. Other times I’m a podcaster, an actor/writer, an investor.

But when it comes down to it, I’m someone who likes to create or work on things that help shift a paradigm or perspective within someone in some way, shape or form.

I wear many hats just like all of you do and it’s taken me a long time to weave everything together in a way that works.

When someone asks who you are and what you do, your gut instinct might be to say something like, “I’m the CEO of xyz company.”

But, you could also be a musician, actor, writer, baker, pet parent, amateur bird watcher, hobbyist race car driver.

On a super high level, you might have figured out a theme like the one I shared for me above.

And on a personal level you might also be a mentor, a brother/sister/sibling, a son/daughter/someone’s kid, a friend.

You are all of those things and all of these things are you; they’re all a part of your identity.

Enter: The weird space that is “ASSUMPTION.”

Sometimes we call ourselves one thing that everyone is used to seeing us as, and never the other things, because we’re afraid it’ll clash with the expectations or perception other people have of us.

AKA, things based on assumptions.

You’d probably find it absolutely ridiculous to hear that for the longest time I resisted telling people outside of the entertainment industry that I was an actor. AND I wrongly assumed other actors would think I wasn’t serious about the craft because I also ran a business.

It sounds absurd when you see it written out, right?

Business Selena and Creative Selena had messy narratives and assumptions running through their heads, and the irony is others have felt this same way which was one of the reasons why I created PermissionLESS in the first place.

(I’ve long since gotten over that but it still pops up from time to time)

Think about where in your life you’ve been resisting embracing an identity because you didn’t feel comfortable calling yourself that “thing” or were worried about others’ invisible judgement.

(Most people are probably thinking about a million other things that don’t have to do with you, tbh so stop worrying about it and do the damn thing.)

We’re multi-faceted human beings. It’s impossible for us to be just “one thing” and we need to be comfortable with showing up in all the ways we feel compelled to each and every day.

So, who are you? What’s your identity?

Say it. Declare it. Each and every thing.

I am a “”
AND
I am a “”
AND
I am a “”
AND
I am a “”

Next time someone asks who you are, try throwing out something you’re not comfortable embracing as an identity in public but you feel deep down in your soul you are.

Life is a series of identity shifts.

Moment after moment of deciding who we want to be, what figurative shoes we want to fill, how we want to show up in the world, and then living it.

It’s okay to be everything and nothing at all.

Cheers to being a multi-faceted, layered, complicated, while also simple human being.